Some Indecent Proposals
for a Decent Future
by
Anthony A Kila
In Nigeria, there is a small minority of people
who, through their activities and fauxpas, have succeeded in
completely destroying almost the whole country mentally and
materially. We doubt if it is through conscious action, but it is
clear that this handful of people have twisted themselves into, and
have been crooked into, the stumbling blocks that stand between the
large majority and a decent future. The most pitiful thing is that
these few people who are responsible for the perpetration of the evils
that torment millions of hapless Nigerian citizens, are commonly known
and their misdeeds are apparent to all, but their very many victims
are too scared and too subdued to retort, too disillusioned to dare,
too hungry and too weak to challenge and too confused to plan and
react to their malaise. Many innocent, oppressed and defrauded fellow
citizens therefore think that there is nothing else they can do, but
to conform to the whims of their oppressors and prostrate to them for
crumbs for survival.
Ordinary people have begun to believe that their
only option may be to try and imitate these indecent people, so that
they too can get a taste of the action; thus they try to be like them,
get into power, know the people in power and enjoy their privileges.
Most people now take it for granted, that to have a decent life in
Nigeria one must be linked to this indecent power structure. The
concepts of merit and competency, vision, public interests and plans
have almost completely disappeared from everyday lives and quests.
What matters is power; to get a decent life, people indecently search
for power through their religions, communities and establishments, and
they become Alhaji, Chiefs, Drs., Honourable Pastors and make
themselves the friends, associates, errand boys and courtesans of
those who have power.
It is now an open secret that most of our people
search for power and vie for public office not to serve their fellow
citizens, but rather to occupy and use their posts to loot and
oppress. Many demand and are unfairly granted state offices as rewards
for their loyalty to specific groups and /or individuals. In this way,
power remains in the hands of those individuals and their cohorts,
whose lives and deeds clearly and actively hinder majority of
Nigerians from getting a decent life, and they therefore continue in
their ways unchecked. They have become masters at manipulating their
roles, position and power to restrain rather than to uplift the
country; all for their own benefit. This minority are typically loud
and overfed, whilst the majority of people they are supposed to serve
are sick and hungry; they drive luxurious cars in cities full of
damaged roads; their answer to the lack of basic amenities is to buy
big generators for their personal use, because the nation has no
reliable power supply; they go abroad for medical treatment since
local hospitals are not up to standard; they build and occupy fenced
mansions at prices that most of those, if not non of those, living in
Nigeria can ever acquire through pure, constant, hard and honest work.
As we approach the proverbial 2007 crossroad, the
ordinary, obvious, simple, straightforward and effective solution for
a normal country will be to try to change the way things have been
done to date. The people should come together and identify the basic
needs of the country, they should search for a group of competent and
committed people to lead and manage the country’s resources and
problems, through necessary transformations. Many Nigerians however,
don’t believe that Nigeria is a normal country. Even when most people
agree on the problems facing the country, and agree on the kind of
individuals (and even the names of the individuals) who can solve the
problems, there is still a general belief that it will be impossible
to get the right people into the right positions.
A lot of Nigerians seem to have an unfathomable,
albeit bizarre, perception of politics and power. When faced with the
problems of and solutions for, the country, the general comments are
“yes but Nigeria is a different place, it is peculiar, one has to be
realistic, this is or that candidate is excellent and qualified but
has he or she got money?, it is not possible to change things in this
country, that is grammar sir, they will not allow him or her to do
good things, he or she is not part of the system he can’t win, he or
she has no structure, the queue is long, you don’t know how much
people have invested and stolen to keep themselves in power?”. Some
well meaning people are now advising their loved ones to stay clear of
anything public, because those that lust for power in Nigeria have
become like lepers whose hands cannot improve but only damage things.
For those in power (or trying to fight their way
into power) for whatever ignoble reasons, any serious talk of
transformation or national development agendas is discernibly
considered a tedious waste of time; for their victims it is sadly
considered mere wishful thinking. Regrettably, most of the decent
people tend to give up, because they consider the whole situation too
indecent to get involved in. Some radical thinkers are now proposing
that since the people causing all the havoc and misery are in fact
just a handful, Nigerians should just list them, line them up and get
rid of them a la Rawlings!
Maybe we can come to an agreement to find some
understanding and reach a settlement, so that we can turn back the
reigning destructive fatalism and avoid the prospected ghoulish
projects for Nigeria. After all, even those who wreck our country or
seek to loot it can be amiable people and have people who love them.
To help find some solutions, I have gone out of my
way to raise my level of understanding of Nigerian politics and its
realism, done some intensive courses in the home based and foreign
established institutions which are our Bukas and Beer parlours, where
serious and informed opinions are formed over bowls of pepper soup and
cold bottles of beer, and explained by experienced and well-versed
elites and socialites. These visitations have been enlightening and
fruitful; it has helped me in my search for solutions and I have
therefore come up with some indecent proposals which I think might
save us time, horror, money and perhaps might allow us manage our
resources for the benefit of a decent future.
Let us start with a proposal for those who just
want to cling to power, and think of nothing but just clinging to
power. I have been informed and educated by reliable sources that many
of them do so because of fear. They cling to their positions because
they dread what their successor might discover about them, fearing
that after years in the palace of power they might be sent to jail for
their misdeeds. Quite understandably, these people will do anything to
stay in power, and try to ensure that their power is only ever
transferred to incompetent followers who can be relied upon not look
into their misdeeds - all at the expense of the advancement of the
country, of course. They need not worry, they underestimate Nigerians;
we have a lot of resources and can create even more, if only they will
allow capable people to take charge of the affairs of the country.
There is a way out for those that desperately cling to power: all they
need do is to confess their sins, promise not to do so again and stay
away from seeking public office for sixty years. After all, “… to err
is human and to forgive and forget is African”. We can set up a scheme
and we can call it the Rulers Repentant Scheme (RRS) and get Alhaji
(Dr.) Bukar Abba Ibrahim (FNIQS), to manage the scheme. Many will ask
the looters to refund their loot, but I suggest that they need not
refund everything they have stolen. We can get somebody (Dele Momodu
comes to mind) to help establish how much participants in the Rulers
Repentant Scheme (RRS) need to lead a befitting life then they can
voluntarily return the rest, which we are sure will still be enough to
boost national finances considerably.
Then there are those who want power just as a title
to append to their names. They just want to be called Honourable or
addressed as your Excellency; they don’t have any actual political
plans and are too busy with other things to be bothered about any
responsibility of governance. No problem at all; they just need to let
the country know what title they want and honorary democratic titles
will be created and bestowed on them, while competent and committed,
democratically elected officers get on with the demanding job of
running the country. The honourable title-holders will be invited to
cut ribbons and appear in newspapers and glossy magazines and TV
programmes of their choice. Some voluntary protocol officers will be
needed to manage their outings; suggestions are welcome.
Political power is also deemed a sure and brief
route to making money in Nigeria. Like some religious entrepreneurs,
some now invest copious amounts of money into being elected to then
reap even larger profits and earn dividends by looting the country,
and backing legislations and policies that are manifestly detrimental
to the people of the country. For these people I propose we make
accessible a pool of financial and business consultants with proven
track records that can help them discover other means of making a
remarkable amount of money, but with a relatively low risk factor
compared to what they might face in politics. These political
entrepreneurs need to be reminded that they might lose elections, be
impeached, be overthrown, be insulted, derided and disgraced by
irreverent intellectuals, cursed by suffering masses and even killed
by unknown murders.
There is another group of people, I have been
informed, that want power because they think they are just born to
rule or that they deserve public and political appointments as
compensation for their loyalty to their parents and political
godfathers. I am told that these are mostly young people, mainly
children or spouses (rarely the first ones) of present and past
political and public figures. They feel their greatest assets are
their connections and ability to mix with the powerful. They want
political and public offices simply because they feel they should be
there, and they will support and aid anyone that will get them there,
better still, if it is someone that can not decipher or that can live
comfortably with their intentions or lack of it. My proposal for these
people is to leave the demanding and sensitive arena of political life
and focus on using their assets elsewhere in private and social
circles. Scholars of the British political system and society will be
able to advise on how the scions of that society survive without
hampering the wheel of progress.
I have been told that even when capable and
committed people get into government, certain vices and factors tend
to creep in, to corrupt them and twist them into making harmful
decisions at the expense of the country. A very common vice to those
in power seems be carnal. The stories I have been told of people like
JFK, Bill Clinton, and more recently of David Blunkett and John
Prescott indicate that the sex and politics tango appears to be
a global feature. The problem with it in Nigeria is the price. Tales
abound of mistresses (and now toy-boys I am told) that are bought cars
and houses, awarded contracts, and appointed into offices for their
bedroom services. This is too expensive! There is a cheaper way to get
these services. All the people with access to the Nigerian treasury
need do is to declare their tastes, and then an international
announcement can be made for volunteers to come and take care of the
needs of Nigerians rulers. We can get the Italian porn star Cicciolina
to chair the campaign, perhaps she will provide some services herself,
she has offered in the past, and I am sure that if the project is well
coordinated a lot of people will join her at no cost to the country’s
treasury.
We must of course not forget the petty Nigerians
and their indecent behaviours and activities. The petty Nigerians are
the people who, because of hunger, greed and or socio-political myopia
sell their decent tomorrow for an indecent price today. They take
money from and manifestly abet ill intentioned, incompetent and
unscrupulous people to get into power. For many reasons I will discuss
elsewhere, the petty Nigerian cannot understand that a person who
gives you money because he says he wants to serve you, is simply
lying. The petty Nigerian cannot understand that a person who invests
so much of his own personal funds into getting into power, will want
that money back, and will take it plus interest, at detrimental costs
to the country. There will be other occasions to analyse, inform and
educate the petty Nigerians; for now, my indecent proposal for them is
to take money from whoever offers them money to get into power, but
then they must do everything possible to make sure that person stays
out of power.
This list of indecent proposals can be extended,
and I will be very glad to hear from others that have similar
proposals. It will also be great to hear from those that have
different kind of proposals that can help restore a decent Nigeria.
Nigeria is not made of only the petty and the conformist. I am sure
that there are a lot of good people out there who are idealistic,
principled, honest and maybe even puritan - and I will not be
surprised if after reading these proposals, they frown their faces and
feel uncomfortable, because they find these ideas so prosaic and
licentious. These good people have however been too silent for too
long, their actions are not felt, their positions unknown to most.
Nigeria really can’t wait much longer, and all I can say to the good
people, is to either join us in implementing these indecent proposals
or come up with your own decent proposal for a decent future.
